The other day I took LM for a walk around a lake near our house. It was just about a perfect fall day, warm and breezy with the sun sparkling off the water. I had one of those surreal moments when I asked myself, “Is this really my life?” For so many years I wasn’t sure if I would ever be a mom, and now here I was, not only a mom but a mom who is able to stay home with her son and walk him around a perfect lake on a perfect fall day.
Across from the lake is a cemetery, and as I walked by a funeral procession drove in. When I passed around a second time, the mourners were gathered around the coffin, and I wondered if it was somehow a bad omen to see such a sight on this otherwise perfect day. I wondered who the dead person was. Maybe, I reasoned, this is one of those “happy funerals” in which the person is old and has lived a long and fulfilled life, and his funeral becomes sort of a family reunion, and all his relatives end up talking and laughing and it’s actually nice to see everyone again. Maybe this funeral wasn’t a bad omen at all, but a reminder that life goes on, or that there’s a circle of life, or something kind of corny like that. But corny or not, it’s true. And now that I am a mother, I’ve feel like I am a part of it.
Ever since I had LM, these surreal moments, which I’m not sure I would have if I hadn’t had trouble getting pregnant, because then this would just seem to be a normal part of life – you have a baby and then you walk him around a park – creep up on me, and I’m filled with a sense of peace and wonder at the simple things in life, like sun sparkling off water on a perfect fall day.